Salute!

I hate this time of the year!!!  Who knows what it stems from - being cooped up inside after being outside everyday - all day long during the summer or the mere fact that snow and cold keeps me isolated.  Yeah I know I'm a heat baby - the hotter the better!!!!  This year I feel a bit isolated from everyone and everything. On the other hand, maybe I'm secluding myself from others more than usual.

I know one thing that has helped me this year is meeting up with Robbie and spending time with him.  Even though we broke up almost 2 years ago, there is a piece of my heart that is stuck on him.  And I have to admit, the last time he was here, I finally felt a closure from our past.  And honestly our times together are grand - nothing in this world can change that.  I realize life has moved on for both of us.  Seeing him ride off gave me great closure to what our life once was.  By all means, it's not a bad thing at all.  I can actually say Good-bye to our past and hello to a great future.  I love him as the person he is and look forward to having a wonderful friendship with him.  We always had our own views, now understanding and accepting those comes into play.  I may have lost a wonderful lover. But I have gained a wonderful friend.  And I cherish that.

Throughout the summer I have made some really great friendships with some really awesome people!!!  Being at the campgrounds almost every weekend this last summer has really changed me in great lengths. I would have never thought; this one campground, I started going to over 6 years ago, would have really made so much of an impact on me.  Now that the warmer weather is gone, I can honestly say I miss being there most of all.  There isn't a day that goes by where the individuals who have touched my life, throughout the years, where the love and kindness gives me that warm gushy feeling inside.  I feel the love and kindness from those who have entered my life after being at the campgrounds.  I have made plenty of friends with so many different social aspects this summer.  I'm amazed at everyone whom I have been in contact with throughout the summer.  Quite frankly, if you have never been with me camping, then you need to get out and meet some really awesome people. No matter what your social status happens to be, there is always someone there you can connect with.  There are so many decent people who go there.  But we all have the same common interest in mind which brings us all together.

I've meet people from many walks of life and backgrounds. Each person is an individual and each person has a distinct personality - no matter what, we all have a common denominator amongst us where we all can relate.

With being away from my social aspects which I enjoy, I'm finding myself slowly climbing back into that seclusion of hibernating during the colder months.  I'll be damned if I'm going to let it get to me this year. I found a guy who has peeked my interest.  That's not saying I'm in love or I'm going to run off and get married any time soon - OH HELL NO!!!!  I'm not dead in the head just yet.  Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm leaning a little too far over the edge.  Don't worry, I have a grip - I just want to see what's coming up ahead.

For everyone who knows me, I deal with my life day by day, looking for the next adventure!  Living on the edge.  As my friend Ted often said to me; "Perry, I wish I could live life like you do."  In return I always say "Ted, I wish I could live life like you do."

(I don't know what it is, but every time I start writing a personal blog, someone has to come along with their personal aspects which inflict my train of thought; which throws me so off track in my thought process. So, if this whole blog goes astray - you know someone has me side tracked - AGAIN!!!)

No matter the geographical distance between all my friends and myself, there is always closeness between us. Common desires, interests, hobbies, views and thought process creating a huge pool of diversity amongst us.  I learn a great deal from all my friends.  In some aspects, I think someone created all the different holidays this time of year so we can all connect with those who have touched our lives. 

Well, I salute all my good friends - and the bad ones too!!!  If it wasn't for you, I would not be the person I am today.  So lift up your glass, gulp that drink down. Slam the glass on the bar and tell the bartender that Perry said you "get a free refill" and to pour you another one.  So, remember my dear friends, don't let this time of year get you down.  Just remember, no matter where you are or what you're doing - your friends helped create the person you are today, and with all the craziness which you personally add to it, you're an awesome individual.  

I give you all my crazy love!  Now smile, because you're one of the crazy ones who helped create the person I am today.

It Just Amazes Me!

It just amazes me on how people today feel that this world owes them.  After all the shit I have gone through in my life, the struggles of everyday life, working exceptionally hard everyday for everything I have.  I can understand a person losing the energy due to circumstances within their life to move on.  With everything that has been happening with the economy and everyday aspects of functioning.  I believe everyone should push a little harder to move forward.  After watching Bill Mahr, he had it right when he commented on "for those of you who claim that they want their Country back, well I want my Country forward!"

From the time I was a child, I worked for every penny I earned.  I never asked for handouts!  Hell, I used to mow other peoples lawns, pull weeds, baby sit, paint houses, walk dogs, pick stuff out of the garbage and sell it just for money.  Today's generation is not like that at all - and why?  As generation have moved forward, we, as the older generation have wanted to give the next generation something better.  So ask yourself, have we actually given the following generations something better than when we had it?  No we haven't.  We have just enabled the next generation to hope and dream.  Giving someone the knowledge, skills and showing them the fruits of their labor is far better than letting them sit off to the side and just watch. How can anyone completely learn something if they are not involved in what they should be doing?

The Men in my Life

Yes, I am still amongst the living!!! With everything I have been doing this year at Camp NCN, it has been keeping my quite occupied.  Made a great bunch of friends this year and had a great time with friends from previous years.

I've been finding myself feeling quite lonely and unwanted.  I don't mean this in a way from my friends.  I know they like having me around - if they didn't, they wouldn't keep asking me to come back and join them. This year I have really been feeling like there really isn't a guy out there for me.  Yeah I know you have to kiss quite a few frogs before you find the prince.  Well, it seems like I've been kissing more frog's asses than frog.  I'm serious about this fact!  And I hope that damn frog doesn't have anal warts, that's all I'd need is anal warts on my lips - I'd really feel shitty then.

Ok, so you can get a better picture of what I have been talking about and how I have been feeling, let me try and put all this together for you to understand.

I started dating this guy Renee', really sweet guy from Mexico.  Our first date he had to bring is younger brother with because their Mother had some sort of appointment.  So, instead of Renee and I holding hands at all that day, I was holding the hand of a 8 year old child.  Yeah, not exactly the thing I had in mind.  And let me remind you, this wasn't the only date where Renee brought someone with on our date.  There was one time, and it was the last time we were ever alone on a date together.  We made reservations at Itchibon's for dinner.  All throughout the meal, Renee complained about the service, the food and what ever else he could think of to gripe about. The bill came, I paid it.  He bitched.  There was nothing wrong with the meal, everything was perfect. I left the waitstaff a generous tip. As we were walking out, Renee picked up the tip, slipped it into his pocket. After he refused to put the tip back, I told him he might as well use it for a taxi or a bus ride home - we were done!  Needless to say I was slapped across the face and yelled at in Spanish.

Then it wasn't too long after that I met up with Joe - sweet little drug addicted homeless Joe.  Oh, he was cute and I did feel sorry for him. Well I only did for a while.  After waking up to him having a few people over for a "quiet" little party.  Yes the party was quiet, very quiet is a matter of fact. A nice quiet heroine party to exact. Everyone was passed out on the floor, on the couches on and under the dining table. Needles laying all over the floor and where else they would drop them.  After I got home from work that afternoon, I told Joe and his batch of friends they had to leave and NEVER to return.

Then there was Benji!  Not as bad as Joe, but from the same drug path. He just about ruined me.  Granted I was working full time, but I was only making $8.45 an hour, I paid all the rend, food and for the phone. Then he had to help a friend move out of state.  I heard from him 2 times in the month and half we were apart.  The friend he helped move never paid for his way back, so he says. Once we settle down from his return, I let  Benji  know that he has to get a job and help with half the bills, rent and food.  He agreed!  So he gets a job, working overnights at a store near us, which was cool!!! After his first check arrived, he gave me $20 towards the phone, rent and food, then he spent the rest on himself. This wasn't working for me. He said that's all he can do.  So the following week came around, he got his check and did the same damn thing again.Again I asked him about the remainder of the money - he said - "I have needs." My reply was, yes you do - you need to get the fuck out of here, you need to move all your shit out and you need to move the fuck on!!! I'm not going to support you anymore."  Then he tried pleading with me, claiming that he lost his job.  At that point I didn't care - didn't want to care - didn't want to keep supporting someone who was only trying drain me dry.

Then there was Jay, the dancer.  Jay loved to dance and had a great personality!  We dated for about 2 months. Everything was great until he told me that he was going to have a sex change. I went limp really fast - like when Grandma walks into the bathroom while you're masturbating...yeah that fast!

After that I didn't date anyone for quite some time - yeah I had my fuck buddies - and they were great.  But I know I wanted more than just a sexual encounter with someone once in a while.  Then I met Akeem.  The only white guy who was named after the princess in the Movie "Coming to America."  He was a bit ghetto, a whole bunch of sexy sweetness and a lot a jealousy.  He had it in his head that I was having an affair with my younger brother, my best friend Gary and some guy by the name of Ed.  I don't even know who Ed is, but at that point I would have had an affair with him if I knew him, just to prove Akeem that I was fucking around with someone behind his back.

Then there was Robbie.  I was so in love with Robbie, so much in love with him, we were going to get married, he was my ONE! The only thing that broke us up was two factors, Religious views and political outlooks.  The one thing is that I never told him what he believed was wrong - but on the other hand, he made sure to tell me how wrong I was for believing in what I have come to believe in. Then he started arguing with me about what I should or should not believe in. I'm sorry, there is no one on this planet who can ever tell me what God or what political party I HAVE to believe in, then to shove me as if the whole discussion to begin with was my fault. I was irritated, frustrated, stressed out and pushed beyond. What put me over the edge was when Robbie had the nerve to say, you really have to be one of the stupidist people I know. He walked into the bedroom and closed the door behind himself.  I grabbed the end table by the side and whipped it a cross the room. Glass broke and furniture slammed to the floor. Then Robbie claimed I was being childish and immature, he threw the house keys on the bed, grabbed his backpack, packed some clothes.  Before he leaves he says, "I'm never coming back here, we are through, I don't ever want to see you again.  I'll come back later to get my things, you're a real piece of shit!!!  Just before he's about to walk out the door he asks, "can I get $5.?" Not saying a word, I shook my head and closed the door just as fast as he was walking out.  Now this was in February, in Minneapolis and it was cold as fuck out.  Hours later, Robbie came pounding on the door.  I opened the front door and asked "what?"  Robbie said, "fine, fuck you" then he walked away.  After that night it was never the same.  I was torn, I cried for days.  The love of my life was not the same. One thing is good, at least after time has passed, we do chat once in a while and I do consider him a friend.

I've had to move on.  It's been difficult.  There have only been 3 men in my life that I have been so in love with that I've wanted to be with them for ever. Broke up with one because of his chronic lying.  Broke with the second because of his alcohol abuse.  The third because I'm not going to forced into believing someone else's religious or political views.

It just seems so weird to find all the fruits, nuts and flakes within the gay community recently zinging around my head. Sometime I don't know if I should be batting them all away like they were a swarm of gnats.  Or just wait until that one lands on your face somewhere.  At the right moment, with repetitive motion, slap your face as fast and hard as you can with your right, then your left and don't stop!  Until the right guy does come along, remember you always have your hand for your own pleasure, your dog for your companion and your cat for cuddling.

Nothing really new, just and update!

I realize it's been a while since I threw my thoughts on here.  I guess my mind has been rambeling on and on for quite sometime about nothing too important.  Well today is my Birthday - Whoopy!  I guess I'm not really too excited about my Birthday this year.  Just another day older and I'm working my ass off.  I should be used to it by now.  Plus I'll probably never retire - oh well such is life.

Since I've gotten the camper and spending a great deal of time at Camp NCN in Black River Falls WI, I have found my outlet which makes me relax. I enjoy every moment I am at the campgrounds and meeting great people.

I have started on doing some stand up comedy, but I don't really know if I want to continue with that.  I guess it's all a matter of time until I figure that out.  I love getting up on stage and talking in front of people and making them laugh.  I just have to get my routine down so I'm not fumbling all the time.  Plus I need to keep refreshing my mind and creating new material.  It is fun and interesting.

I'm really looking forward to seeing my son get married.  He's been with Bobbi for quite sometime now and I hope they will be happy together.

Do you understand my point?

This is all on a personal level - so if I sound a bit sour or harsh, then I am getting my point across.

For those of you who know me, you know I am a person who is kind, caring, loving and fun.  I have gone through many ups and downs in my life.  A lot of happiness and heartache.

I have been put out by so many people.  Too many people feel they are obligated to for things they don't earn.  I bust my ass off all the time - and what do I get in return - someone standing there looking for something they never earned.  Well, I have tried to be nice to so many people and all I get is shit upon.

There are a few words I have to say to those people who were apart of my life.  Jim, Doug, Sue, Dustin, Casey, Steven, Kevin, Demitri, Jimm and Rob. You fucks need to get your heads out of your ass.  I'm not your Sugar Daddy or bank.  I'm tired of moochers like you dragging me down your path in life.  I am so fucking sick and tired of people like you expecting others - like me - to support you!  I am so god damn depressed because of people like you who drain the life out of me.  I'm standing up for me, not you.  I work for me - not you.  Go swindle, steal and mooch off someone else.

It Just Amazes Me!

It just amazes me on how people today feel that this world owes them.  After all the shit I have gone through in my life, the struggles of everyday life, working exceptionally hard everyday for everything I have.  I can understand a person losing the energy due to circumstances within their life to move on.  With everything that has been happening with the economy and everyday aspects of functioning.  I believe everyone should push a little harder to move forward.  After watching Bill Mahr, he had it right when he commented on "for those of you who claim that they want their Country back, well I want my Country forward!"

From the time I was a child, I worked for every penny I earned.  I never asked for handouts!  Hell, I used to mow other peoples lawns, pull weeds, baby sit, paint houses, walk dogs, pick stuff out of the garbage and sell it just for money.  Today's generation is not like that at all - and why?  As generation have moved forward, we, as the older generation have wanted to give the next generation something better.  So ask yourself, have we actually given the following generations something better than when we had it?  No we haven't.  We have just enabled the next generation to hope and dream.  Giving someone the knowledge, skills and showing them the fruits of their labor is far better than letting them sit off to the side and just watch. How can anyone completely learn something if they are not involved in what they should be doing?

For me growing up, most of the money I earned went right to my family.  This made a great deal of difference to entire family.  My Father had become disabled when I was about 10 years old.  After seeing a man who worked 2 jobs everyday become bed-ridden, it just hurt me to see this happening to him.  After the Workman;s Compensation had stopped, there was no money.  We had to do everything we could to keep our home, feed us and pay the bills.  It was rough.  I could tell there were days where my parents were so stressed out over money - even for the simplest of things.   I knew with what little money I earned and gave to them meant a great deal.  I never knew what any of that money went towards.  But I do know this, it did have a roof over my head, food in my stomach and house I could call home.

I get disappointed with the generation of today.  You expect someone to take care of you, you expect someone to put a roof over your head, you expect someone to provide for you.  Stop and think about why you are cold, hungry and why you have nothing.  How can you provide for yourself if you are not willing to try and provide for yourself?  Everytime I see someone begging on the street corners for money, I just sit and wonder "What in the hell happened?"

When my Grandfather was still alive, I would like to spend time with him.  My Grandfather was a hobby carpenter and built many things in his work shed.  The hours spent learning wood working and getting to know him are priceless.  And what I cherish most is no one can take that away from me.

While our family was going through the hard times of not having any money, my Mother utilized her art skills to create pieces to sell.  From her I learned a great deal in life and many skills.  I believe this is why I have her stubbornness!  Putting forth every effort into making a bad circumstance better for yourself and those around you.  In my eyes, knowing how to take the skills and knowledge one has and turn it into something one can profit from, cherish and teach to others is a gift that can be passed onto generations to come.

Too many people today just don't allow themselves to share these talented gifts.  There is no reason why anyone can not help or provide for their home, living situation or circumstances.

My word of advice for the next generation, quit asking for a handout seeing as you are not willing to provide for yourself and expect others to provide for you.  I've never gotten a hand out from anyone, so why come to me when I can barely provide for myself?  No one but me pays for my rent, insurance, gas, vehicle, home, food, electric bill, gas bill and everything else I need.  It amazes me when people start to think they are my pets.  I'm not a Tea Bagger and expect the government or others to provide for me.