It just amazes me on how people today feel that this world owes them. After all the shit I have gone through in my life, the struggles of everyday life, working exceptionally hard everyday for everything I have. I can understand a person losing the energy due to circumstances within their life to move on. With everything that has been happening with the economy and everyday aspects of functioning. I believe everyone should push a little harder to move forward. After watching Bill Mahr, he had it right when he commented on "for those of you who claim that they want their Country back, well I want my Country forward!"
From the time I was a child, I worked for every penny I earned. I never asked for handouts! Hell, I used to mow other peoples lawns, pull weeds, baby sit, paint houses, walk dogs, pick stuff out of the garbage and sell it just for money. Today's generation is not like that at all - and why? As generation have moved forward, we, as the older generation have wanted to give the next generation something better. So ask yourself, have we actually given the following generations something better than when we had it? No we haven't. We have just enabled the next generation to hope and dream. Giving someone the knowledge, skills and showing them the fruits of their labor is far better than letting them sit off to the side and just watch. How can anyone completely learn something if they are not involved in what they should be doing?
Monday, September 17, 2012
The Men in my Life
Yes, I am still amongst the living!!! With everything I have been doing this year at Camp NCN, it has been keeping my quite occupied. Made a great bunch of friends this year and had a great time with friends from previous years.
I've been finding myself feeling quite lonely and unwanted. I don't mean this in a way from my friends. I know they like having me around - if they didn't, they wouldn't keep asking me to come back and join them. This year I have really been feeling like there really isn't a guy out there for me. Yeah I know you have to kiss quite a few frogs before you find the prince. Well, it seems like I've been kissing more frog's asses than frog. I'm serious about this fact! And I hope that damn frog doesn't have anal warts, that's all I'd need is anal warts on my lips - I'd really feel shitty then.
Ok, so you can get a better picture of what I have been talking about and how I have been feeling, let me try and put all this together for you to understand.
I started dating this guy Renee', really sweet guy from Mexico. Our first date he had to bring is younger brother with because their Mother had some sort of appointment. So, instead of Renee and I holding hands at all that day, I was holding the hand of a 8 year old child. Yeah, not exactly the thing I had in mind. And let me remind you, this wasn't the only date where Renee brought someone with on our date. There was one time, and it was the last time we were ever alone on a date together. We made reservations at Itchibon's for dinner. All throughout the meal, Renee complained about the service, the food and what ever else he could think of to gripe about. The bill came, I paid it. He bitched. There was nothing wrong with the meal, everything was perfect. I left the waitstaff a generous tip. As we were walking out, Renee picked up the tip, slipped it into his pocket. After he refused to put the tip back, I told him he might as well use it for a taxi or a bus ride home - we were done! Needless to say I was slapped across the face and yelled at in Spanish.
Then it wasn't too long after that I met up with Joe - sweet little drug addicted homeless Joe. Oh, he was cute and I did feel sorry for him. Well I only did for a while. After waking up to him having a few people over for a "quiet" little party. Yes the party was quiet, very quiet is a matter of fact. A nice quiet heroine party to exact. Everyone was passed out on the floor, on the couches on and under the dining table. Needles laying all over the floor and where else they would drop them. After I got home from work that afternoon, I told Joe and his batch of friends they had to leave and NEVER to return.
Then there was Benji! Not as bad as Joe, but from the same drug path. He just about ruined me. Granted I was working full time, but I was only making $8.45 an hour, I paid all the rend, food and for the phone. Then he had to help a friend move out of state. I heard from him 2 times in the month and half we were apart. The friend he helped move never paid for his way back, so he says. Once we settle down from his return, I let Benji know that he has to get a job and help with half the bills, rent and food. He agreed! So he gets a job, working overnights at a store near us, which was cool!!! After his first check arrived, he gave me $20 towards the phone, rent and food, then he spent the rest on himself. This wasn't working for me. He said that's all he can do. So the following week came around, he got his check and did the same damn thing again.Again I asked him about the remainder of the money - he said - "I have needs." My reply was, yes you do - you need to get the fuck out of here, you need to move all your shit out and you need to move the fuck on!!! I'm not going to support you anymore." Then he tried pleading with me, claiming that he lost his job. At that point I didn't care - didn't want to care - didn't want to keep supporting someone who was only trying drain me dry.
Then there was Jay, the dancer. Jay loved to dance and had a great personality! We dated for about 2 months. Everything was great until he told me that he was going to have a sex change. I went limp really fast - like when Grandma walks into the bathroom while you're masturbating...yeah that fast!
After that I didn't date anyone for quite some time - yeah I had my fuck buddies - and they were great. But I know I wanted more than just a sexual encounter with someone once in a while. Then I met Akeem. The only white guy who was named after the princess in the Movie "Coming to America." He was a bit ghetto, a whole bunch of sexy sweetness and a lot a jealousy. He had it in his head that I was having an affair with my younger brother, my best friend Gary and some guy by the name of Ed. I don't even know who Ed is, but at that point I would have had an affair with him if I knew him, just to prove Akeem that I was fucking around with someone behind his back.
Then there was Robbie. I was so in love with Robbie, so much in love with him, we were going to get married, he was my ONE! The only thing that broke us up was two factors, Religious views and political outlooks. The one thing is that I never told him what he believed was wrong - but on the other hand, he made sure to tell me how wrong I was for believing in what I have come to believe in. Then he started arguing with me about what I should or should not believe in. I'm sorry, there is no one on this planet who can ever tell me what God or what political party I HAVE to believe in, then to shove me as if the whole discussion to begin with was my fault. I was irritated, frustrated, stressed out and pushed beyond. What put me over the edge was when Robbie had the nerve to say, you really have to be one of the stupidist people I know. He walked into the bedroom and closed the door behind himself. I grabbed the end table by the side and whipped it a cross the room. Glass broke and furniture slammed to the floor. Then Robbie claimed I was being childish and immature, he threw the house keys on the bed, grabbed his backpack, packed some clothes. Before he leaves he says, "I'm never coming back here, we are through, I don't ever want to see you again. I'll come back later to get my things, you're a real piece of shit!!! Just before he's about to walk out the door he asks, "can I get $5.?" Not saying a word, I shook my head and closed the door just as fast as he was walking out. Now this was in February, in Minneapolis and it was cold as fuck out. Hours later, Robbie came pounding on the door. I opened the front door and asked "what?" Robbie said, "fine, fuck you" then he walked away. After that night it was never the same. I was torn, I cried for days. The love of my life was not the same. One thing is good, at least after time has passed, we do chat once in a while and I do consider him a friend.
I've had to move on. It's been difficult. There have only been 3 men in my life that I have been so in love with that I've wanted to be with them for ever. Broke up with one because of his chronic lying. Broke with the second because of his alcohol abuse. The third because I'm not going to forced into believing someone else's religious or political views.
It just seems so weird to find all the fruits, nuts and flakes within the gay community recently zinging around my head. Sometime I don't know if I should be batting them all away like they were a swarm of gnats. Or just wait until that one lands on your face somewhere. At the right moment, with repetitive motion, slap your face as fast and hard as you can with your right, then your left and don't stop! Until the right guy does come along, remember you always have your hand for your own pleasure, your dog for your companion and your cat for cuddling.
I've been finding myself feeling quite lonely and unwanted. I don't mean this in a way from my friends. I know they like having me around - if they didn't, they wouldn't keep asking me to come back and join them. This year I have really been feeling like there really isn't a guy out there for me. Yeah I know you have to kiss quite a few frogs before you find the prince. Well, it seems like I've been kissing more frog's asses than frog. I'm serious about this fact! And I hope that damn frog doesn't have anal warts, that's all I'd need is anal warts on my lips - I'd really feel shitty then.
Ok, so you can get a better picture of what I have been talking about and how I have been feeling, let me try and put all this together for you to understand.
I started dating this guy Renee', really sweet guy from Mexico. Our first date he had to bring is younger brother with because their Mother had some sort of appointment. So, instead of Renee and I holding hands at all that day, I was holding the hand of a 8 year old child. Yeah, not exactly the thing I had in mind. And let me remind you, this wasn't the only date where Renee brought someone with on our date. There was one time, and it was the last time we were ever alone on a date together. We made reservations at Itchibon's for dinner. All throughout the meal, Renee complained about the service, the food and what ever else he could think of to gripe about. The bill came, I paid it. He bitched. There was nothing wrong with the meal, everything was perfect. I left the waitstaff a generous tip. As we were walking out, Renee picked up the tip, slipped it into his pocket. After he refused to put the tip back, I told him he might as well use it for a taxi or a bus ride home - we were done! Needless to say I was slapped across the face and yelled at in Spanish.
Then it wasn't too long after that I met up with Joe - sweet little drug addicted homeless Joe. Oh, he was cute and I did feel sorry for him. Well I only did for a while. After waking up to him having a few people over for a "quiet" little party. Yes the party was quiet, very quiet is a matter of fact. A nice quiet heroine party to exact. Everyone was passed out on the floor, on the couches on and under the dining table. Needles laying all over the floor and where else they would drop them. After I got home from work that afternoon, I told Joe and his batch of friends they had to leave and NEVER to return.
Then there was Benji! Not as bad as Joe, but from the same drug path. He just about ruined me. Granted I was working full time, but I was only making $8.45 an hour, I paid all the rend, food and for the phone. Then he had to help a friend move out of state. I heard from him 2 times in the month and half we were apart. The friend he helped move never paid for his way back, so he says. Once we settle down from his return, I let Benji know that he has to get a job and help with half the bills, rent and food. He agreed! So he gets a job, working overnights at a store near us, which was cool!!! After his first check arrived, he gave me $20 towards the phone, rent and food, then he spent the rest on himself. This wasn't working for me. He said that's all he can do. So the following week came around, he got his check and did the same damn thing again.Again I asked him about the remainder of the money - he said - "I have needs." My reply was, yes you do - you need to get the fuck out of here, you need to move all your shit out and you need to move the fuck on!!! I'm not going to support you anymore." Then he tried pleading with me, claiming that he lost his job. At that point I didn't care - didn't want to care - didn't want to keep supporting someone who was only trying drain me dry.
Then there was Jay, the dancer. Jay loved to dance and had a great personality! We dated for about 2 months. Everything was great until he told me that he was going to have a sex change. I went limp really fast - like when Grandma walks into the bathroom while you're masturbating...yeah that fast!
After that I didn't date anyone for quite some time - yeah I had my fuck buddies - and they were great. But I know I wanted more than just a sexual encounter with someone once in a while. Then I met Akeem. The only white guy who was named after the princess in the Movie "Coming to America." He was a bit ghetto, a whole bunch of sexy sweetness and a lot a jealousy. He had it in his head that I was having an affair with my younger brother, my best friend Gary and some guy by the name of Ed. I don't even know who Ed is, but at that point I would have had an affair with him if I knew him, just to prove Akeem that I was fucking around with someone behind his back.
Then there was Robbie. I was so in love with Robbie, so much in love with him, we were going to get married, he was my ONE! The only thing that broke us up was two factors, Religious views and political outlooks. The one thing is that I never told him what he believed was wrong - but on the other hand, he made sure to tell me how wrong I was for believing in what I have come to believe in. Then he started arguing with me about what I should or should not believe in. I'm sorry, there is no one on this planet who can ever tell me what God or what political party I HAVE to believe in, then to shove me as if the whole discussion to begin with was my fault. I was irritated, frustrated, stressed out and pushed beyond. What put me over the edge was when Robbie had the nerve to say, you really have to be one of the stupidist people I know. He walked into the bedroom and closed the door behind himself. I grabbed the end table by the side and whipped it a cross the room. Glass broke and furniture slammed to the floor. Then Robbie claimed I was being childish and immature, he threw the house keys on the bed, grabbed his backpack, packed some clothes. Before he leaves he says, "I'm never coming back here, we are through, I don't ever want to see you again. I'll come back later to get my things, you're a real piece of shit!!! Just before he's about to walk out the door he asks, "can I get $5.?" Not saying a word, I shook my head and closed the door just as fast as he was walking out. Now this was in February, in Minneapolis and it was cold as fuck out. Hours later, Robbie came pounding on the door. I opened the front door and asked "what?" Robbie said, "fine, fuck you" then he walked away. After that night it was never the same. I was torn, I cried for days. The love of my life was not the same. One thing is good, at least after time has passed, we do chat once in a while and I do consider him a friend.
I've had to move on. It's been difficult. There have only been 3 men in my life that I have been so in love with that I've wanted to be with them for ever. Broke up with one because of his chronic lying. Broke with the second because of his alcohol abuse. The third because I'm not going to forced into believing someone else's religious or political views.
It just seems so weird to find all the fruits, nuts and flakes within the gay community recently zinging around my head. Sometime I don't know if I should be batting them all away like they were a swarm of gnats. Or just wait until that one lands on your face somewhere. At the right moment, with repetitive motion, slap your face as fast and hard as you can with your right, then your left and don't stop! Until the right guy does come along, remember you always have your hand for your own pleasure, your dog for your companion and your cat for cuddling.
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